@rolldiggity

1. Tattoo “I’M WATCHING YOU” on your shaved head.
2. Grow hair and wait for daughter’s boyfriend to come over.
3. Shave head in front of him

You Might Also Like

@leannuh

According to the Chinese zodiac, it’s the year of the dog, or “who’s a good year?!”

@ceejoyner

If you don’t like your son, grab a football and tell him to go long. Never throw it. He’s gone now.

@yassinovic89

Women’s logic:
I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.

@adamhess1

So if Humpty Dumpty is an egg, what species is the thing inside him? Another egg?
“No I mean do you have any questions about the job?”

@AngelaHelga

I’m saving myself for marriage.

Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage.

@junejuly12

*texts* I need you, babe. Come over now.

[20 minutes later]
Oh hi! *holds out jar* Can you open this?

@just_kdot

my wedding cake gonna be an edible and im not warning anybody

@KimJungilSpirit

4yo doctor visit:

Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I’d rather he play with mud.

Me: ..
Wife:..

Me: where do u download mud?

@Fab_Mommy_

This guy at the grocery store told me he had an extra container of Clorox wipes in his car, I almost fell for it.
Psychopath.

@aotakeo

Me: there’s no “u” in team

Canadian: we’ll see about that bud