1. Tattoo “I’M WATCHING YOU” on your shaved head.
2. Grow hair and wait for daughter’s boyfriend to come over.
3. Shave head in front of him

You Might Also Like


According to the Chinese zodiac, it’s the year of the dog, or “who’s a good year?!”


If you don’t like your son, grab a football and tell him to go long. Never throw it. He’s gone now.


Women’s logic:
I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.


So if Humpty Dumpty is an egg, what species is the thing inside him? Another egg?
“No I mean do you have any questions about the job?”


I’m saving myself for marriage.

Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage.


*texts* I need you, babe. Come over now.

[20 minutes later]
Oh hi! *holds out jar* Can you open this?


my wedding cake gonna be an edible and im not warning anybody


4yo doctor visit:

Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I’d rather he play with mud.

Me: ..

Me: where do u download mud?


This guy at the grocery store told me he had an extra container of Clorox wipes in his car, I almost fell for it.


Me: there’s no “u” in team

Canadian: we’ll see about that bud