“10 Things I Hate About You” is my favorite movie that sounds like a bitter Buzzfeed article

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Me: oh Finding Dory is on, what a fun mov-

Neil deGrasse Tyson: You’ll note the fish switch between fresh & salt water without repercussion


Me: what’s your job
Them: I’m a bank teller
Me: *nervously* what do you tell it


[speed dating]
HER: So what do you-
ME: How fast can you order a pizza?
HER: I don’t-
ME: *hits buzzer* NEXT


[making the first boat]
“How do we get across this river?”
ME: we gotta build a boat
“What’s a boat?”
ME: that’s what we gotta figure out


There’s something I should tell you…
“Oh god what is it”
I have crabs
*holds up two crabs*
“Oh I thought you meant-”


If a girl has magnetic personality and still She can’t attract the desired boy.

Then that means the boy has iron deficiency.


[first date]

me: let’s just say I’ve kissed a lot of frogs

her: to meet your princess?

me: er yeah, whatever you say…


What’s with the attitude? I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I know what hasn’t.