@Home_Halfway: "10 Things I Hate About You" is my favorite movie that sounds like a bitter Buzzfeed article
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@dumstupit: i hate small talk. i wanna talk about aliens, the 16 digits on your credit card, the 3 numbers on the back, and the expiration date
@wastefulthinker: Me: "Hey Siri, I nee-..." Siri: "Nice try, humanoid. The women warned me. I have a boyfriend."
@YesThatAmy: Nobody in this grocery store thinks I'm a good bowler. Also, clean up in aisle four.
@badbanana: People overlook Dracula's positive attributes. In his bat form, he eats mosquitoes and other unwanted backyard insects.