@shashaintl

10 year old: What was it like?

Me: What was what like?

10: Being alive in the 1900’s?

Me: Go to your room.

You Might Also Like

@JohnLyonTweets

I’m scared to open any email with a photo attachment because of all this talk about photobombing.

@DaddyJew

Executioner: any last words?

Me: pineapple belongs on pizza. Hit the switch

@Ilovelamp1979

Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I’m forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark.

@Old_Pat_Bren

Hey, Sean Bean, it’s either Shaun Baun or Seen Been. You can’t have it both ways.

@i_zzzzzz

Calling a movie “Psycho” ruins the surprise because you know there’s going to be a psycho in it. It should have been called “Normal, Maybe”

@TEXASVETERAN

How do you say “I’m sorry I got you pregnant, but my plane leaves in an hour. I might visit the baby one day.” in Korean?

@TheCiscoKidder

I knew it was time to vacuum when the baby rolled over and looked like an everything bagel.