I’m scared to open any email with a photo attachment because of all this talk about photobombing.
10 year old: What was it like?
Me: What was what like?
10: Being alive in the 1900’s?
Me: Go to your room.
You Might Also Like
Executioner: any last words?
Me: pineapple belongs on pizza. Hit the switch
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I’m forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark.
Hey, Sean Bean, it’s either Shaun Baun or Seen Been. You can’t have it both ways.
Calling a movie “Psycho” ruins the surprise because you know there’s going to be a psycho in it. It should have been called “Normal, Maybe”
How do you say “I’m sorry I got you pregnant, but my plane leaves in an hour. I might visit the baby one day.” in Korean?
Pomegranate is not a fruit, it is a task.
I knew it was time to vacuum when the baby rolled over and looked like an everything bagel.