The difference between my “Maine lobster” and my “main lobster” is boiling water or a high five.
10 years later if Romeo and Juliet had lived:
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Sigh….trying to watch the game here Julie.
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Marriage equality AND marijuana laws passed? Now we know what Leviticus really meant by “A man who layeth with another man must be stoned.”
Hey babe, you look hungry. I have a meal for you in my shorts.
*whips out five course meal from my cargo shorts with still frozen dippin dots for dessert*
If you don’t think Colorado needs a wall then you’ve never met someone from Wyoming
“I put my gear back in fourth.” – Willow Smith learning to drive, maybe.
I want my eulogy to be someone just doing a dramatic reading of Billy Joel’s song We Didn’t Start the Fire (without the music) while doing an interpretive dance.
Breakfast: 200 calories
Lunch: 500 calories
Dinner: 800 calories
Snack before bed: 15,000 calories
Sir, it appears you have takes-everything-literally disease.
“Is it bad, doc?”
Yes, but bear in mind-
I need to get baked …goods for the staff party this afternoon.
Son: Can I have some?
Me, mouth full of cheesecake: It’s really spicy you won’t like it.