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@KateWouldHaveIt

“Are you fine being hugged while you pee?” is a question someone should’ve asked me before I had kids.

@Curt__Burt

Very sad to hear about Donald Trump. Nothing happened to him I’m just sad to hear about him

@TeaPartyCat

Duck Dynasty guy is right– if we baptize all those ISIS guys, Iraq will be safe because Christians never start wars for bullshit reasons.

@NicestHippo

WIFE: He thinks he’s a news anchor
DOCTOR: Is this true
ME: [stacking papers & talking inaudibly as the camera zooms out]

@KiaraJeanine

Conversation between my mom and my 12 year old brother. I am in tears.

@Manda_like_wine

Results are in: a lot of people took the “never change” yearbook inscription way too seriously.

@houffy

Wife: Talk sexy to me
Husband: Commencing garment extraction
W: Huh?
H: Initiating trouser disengagement
W: …
H: Removing unmentionables