“That chicken died for you” – how I get my kids to eat chicken
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ME: so where are you from?
HER: I’m Finnish
ME: oh ok then [pulls her dinner plate over & starts eating her meal]
lost boys: how’d the prank on captain hook go?
peter pan: oh you guys are gonna love this HAHA I cut off his hand LOL and i FED IT TO THE CROCODILE 🙂
peter pan: so funny
lost boys: you’re a sociopath
I believe that growing up watching Porky Pig cartoons have contributed to my lack of pants.
Chamomile tea makes chamomile pee.
I didn’t think there’d be a sequel for “To Kill A Mockingbird.” I just assumed that they all lived Harper Lee ever after
boss: we’re starting to think you don’t really value this job anymore
me: [wearing bathrobe] not sure what u mean
I’m 72 minutes in trying to reverse whatever my 3 y/o nephew did in one second to the TV remote.
Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma’am?
Me: Do these jeans make me look fat?
Cop: You’re free to go.
ME: I love the D
ME:I love to lick them first
ME:Then I love to swallow them
ME:I love D
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