@shashaintl

10’s homework question: “Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?”

His answer: “My mom.”

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@WheelTod

“Dad?”

“Yes, son?”

“Where do Cowboys come from?”

“Well, son. When a cow and a boy love each other very, very much…”

@AtticusFinch79

[God creating bees]

GOD: make some of them fuzzy

ANGEL: thats good

G: make them sting

A: okay

G: and let’s give them teeth!

A: too far

@PatsATweetin

To anyone who hates the idea of sequels, remember that there were 181 Blinks before we got the good one.

@briangaar

“Sir, I need you to explain your resume.”
Well, my pet tiger & I were beloved cartoon characters
“Current job?”
I pee on things I don’t like

@tsm560

Real doesn’t scare me, real stupid does

@Love_bug1016

89% of my class in high school thought I was good in math because I’m Asian. Luckily the other 27% were smarter than that.

@JeffMyspace

Me: I don’t get it, I was just standing here, hard at work

HR: Yes, that was the problem.

@Mikecanrant

In Batman Begins, the scene when Bruce Wayne throws the gun into the river, if you listen you can hear someone say “you throw like a girl”.