@shashaintl

10’s homework question: “Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?”

His answer: “My mom.”

You Might Also Like

@DanMentos

[commercial]

“This commercial is so confusing. I wish they would just tell us what they’re selling”

narrator: Narrators

@carlyken

[interview at winery]
What strengths do you bring to the job?
*long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer*
Are you being serious right now

@autocorrects

What’s that thing called when your crush likes you back? oh yeah imagination

@LostCatDog

Missed connections: I was the guy in the Subaru listening to NPR; You were the river I briefly considered driving into.

@pro_worrier_

In case you’re wondering how sadistic toddlers are, my 3yo just bit into a hard boiled egg and was upset that there wasn’t a baby in it.

@_ElvishPresley_

[before cones were invented]

*fistful of ice cream* there has to be a better way

@Michael1979

Every funeral is open-casket if you’ve got a crowbar and a sense of adventure.

@SatansTongue

*snail Olympics*
How does it feel?
“Well it took 4 years but I finished the marathon”
And how will you prepare for it again tomorrow?
“What”