My dream job is a 7-11 hot dog just rolling there endlessly in a zen state of warmth
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Looking back at all the successes & failures in my life, I can’t help but be proud that at least the potty training thing stuck.
Justin Bieber said… And I quote, “Only God can Judge me!”
THIS JUST IN
…Apparently I’m God.
Wrong hole! It’s too tight!
-me putting on my watch, you pervs
Her: I’m a model.
Him: Oh cool, what agency?
Her: No, I’m an Instagram model.
Him: Ah ok. I used to be a sniper.
Her: Oh what, in the army?
Him: No, Call of Duty.
I saw my friend’s kids at Walmart and they told me they were lost and I was like “good luck guys” and walked away. I’d be a great mother.
Oh, I see. “Adam and Steve” is gay, but “Adam dates his own rib” is perfectly acceptable.
Hi, I’m a college professor. Years ago I wrote a terrible book no one wanted. Anyway you have to buy it for 80 dollars
I just accidentally read “Federal” as “Feral” and it made zero difference to the article.
you are so much more than your diagnosis. bipolar disorder is something i have. i am NOT bipolar. my aunt is NOT lung cancer. lou gherig is NOT a good third example