Abductor: I have your great granddaughter
LIAM NEESON: I literally died 12 years ago
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[God creating pufferfish]
How about a terrifying balloon
If I was antisocial I wouldn’t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
Whenever I destroy an ant hill with the leaf blower, I imagine the footage of the terrible blownado being shown on ant tv the next morning.
Woman came up to me in Target & whispered, “You have toilet paper hanging out of your shorts.”
I said, “Well don’t you have nerve. No one EVER bothers me about my tail at the WalMart.”
Not sure which is worse, the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch saying he doesn’t want ugly people wearing his clothes or that people still wear A&F
It’s like he’s trying to tell me something
What is it boy?
Timmy’s stuck in a well?
This is the scariest thing I’ve ever read
Why is my body letting me get a cold?
I gave it an orange only last week….
My mother talks into the phone like a combat soldier calling in air support.