[12 hours without eating]

Maybe Hannibal Lecter was just really hungry

You Might Also Like


Professor X: Whatโ€™s your superpower?

Me: Changing people’s names at will

Professor Greg: This is useless


I dress like a murderer when I walk through the sketchy park outside my dorm so murderers will be like “Oh she’s cool she’s one of us.”


Spice things up in a first date by wearing a parachute and refusing to talk about it


HER: Now that we’re in lockdown, we really need to ration our snacks

ME: *sprinkling Oreo crumbs over a log cabin made of Snickers* Yeah definitely


I ate a shepherd’s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.


Normalize calling your neighbor by his dog’s name for two whole years because you misunderstood when he introduced himself to you.


COP: You’re allowed 1 phone call
ME: I’m gonna call your mom & tell on you for arresting me
COP: *nervously sweating* Why would you do that


chumbawamba: I get knocked down

me: so relatable

chumbawamba: but I get up again

me: oh nevermind


It’s not working out because we like different things. For example, I like quiet evenings at home, and she likes someone else.