@lil_scenic
@sad_tree
*sees guy dressed as ghost for Halloween*
Hey buddy thats not funny, my grandma is a ghost
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@sad_tree
@aimeevc1970
I am one “Mom!” away from making the 6 o’clock news.
@misfarber
[looking at flocks of squawking crows]
We have to stop these senseless murders
@KylePlantEmoji
Her: it’s been three weeks but the dog still hasn’t passed my wedding ring. I think we should just give up
Me: really? After all the shit we’ve been through?
@CherBear162
I can’t bend my pinky without my ring finger bending as well..is this normal?
Let’s hear your results ’cause I know you just tried it.
@kendragaylord
Inside the heads of four JCrew models.
@trevso_electric
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won’t understand how many calories are in it.
@StephenKing
Who says great literature is dead?
@ClichedOut
me: dinosaurs can’t talk
her: how do u know
me: they’re all dead, barb
@NotthatAdamWest
I’m sorry, you’ll have to repeat that. I’m not fluent in nonsense.