Friend: You know that country song that goes-
12yo son forgot his electric toothbrush — so now he has to MOVE HIS ARM to brush his teeth.
His protest was legendary.
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*strips buck naked*Buck: Give me back my clothes !
This girl text me: “your adorable
I text back: no YOU’RE adorable
Now she likes me and I was just pointing out her typo…
I bought a pair of underwear today.
In the front it says ‘I would do anything for love’.
In the back, ‘But I won’t do that’.
Woke up this morning with a pillow over my face, hearing someone muttering “…it would be so easy…”
I wouldn’t get too excited sir, I’m here to impound your car.
Well, if anything, the Mayans DID teach us ONE valuable lesson.
If you don’t finish something…it’s really not the end of the world.
Twitter is the government’s elaborate plan to keep us all off the streets
Walk into the club like whatup OWW
Walk into the mace like what DAMN
Walk into the sword like wha *dies*
*flunks gladiator school*
*cold day in hell
Satan: Dammit! Did some band get back together?