Parent Fact: Sugar makes kids crazy.
Grandparent Fact: Vengeance is mine.
13: I found a baggie of pot.
M: *takes it* Thank you, bringing it to an adult was the right thing to do. Now go outside and play for 3 hrs.
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If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life it’s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
MOBSTER: *cracks knuckles*
ME: that supposed to intimidate me?
*his fingers start to glow like glowsticks*
ME: k I’m scared but thats rad
Me starting a diet: I’m gonna be so skinny.
Me on a diet: being fat is fine.
Scientists are attempting to clone Ice Age Cave Lions because running into a raccoon when I take out the trash isn’t scary enough.
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defendant: *into mic* um can I say something?
defense attorney: NO!
ghost of dead lawyer: NO!
random stranger: NO!
defendant’s family in courtroom: NO!