Trapped beneath the feet of a bearded giant…
Cut off from the world.
Stephen King & Pixar present:
“A BUG’S LIFE 3: UNDER THE GNOME”
13: My English teacher wants us to write in a journal every day
Me: What have you written so far?
13: “I don’t want to write a journal, & I don’t like Quarantine Chicken Surprise.”
M: Good opener.
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Came home to my husband watching ID Channel, dinner cooked and an empty sink.
I have never feared for my life and been simultaneously turned on than I am in this moment.
If you succeed at failing, do you fail or succeed?
[ First Date ]
Her: OMG, I’ve been talking about myself all night. Tell me a little bit about yourself..
There’s a book called “Why Women have sex” by Cindy Meston. The author also wrote”Why Men have sex” but I’m guessing thats just a pamphlet.
Client said she needs to “find her zen” during our mediation and I don’t think she knows that mediation and meditation are two diff things.
*Uses public restroom
**Squats so long walks out with buns of steel
8:00 am – Packs Lunch
9:00 am – Arrives at work
9:04 am – Eats Lunch
Checking my lotto numbers makes me forget everything I know about probability, and gives me a temporary belief in the power of prayer.
Obama’s gonna take all your decorative soaps.