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@victt0ri

Idea for an app:

it’s basically Tinder, but for people that want to fight

@Cryptoterra

it says here you got fired from Olive Garden because you kept saying
“pasta la vista, baby” to people. why would you put that on a resume

@salamingia

I feel bad for airport security workers. I’m going to make their job easier today by not wearing underwear.

@Cheles_G

Where does the army of the dead get insanely long chains to pull a dragon? Is there a Walmart north of the wall? #GameOfThrones

@LostFelicia

You ever run back into a store looking for the sunglasses on top of your head?
Me neither.

@Sam_Posts

18-22 is a confusing age. I got friends getting married, some in prison, and some still have to ask their parents to stay out past curfew.

@louisvirtel

The worst scene in La La Land is when Emma Stone gives Ryan Gosling permission to save jazz because she already solved racism in The Help.

@RatBatallion

The first rule of Mormon fight flub is go door to door talking about Mormon fight club .

@mantej

In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.