*spends 45 minutes untangling headphones
*drops phone, squats to pick it up
Phew! Good workout!
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(I’ve locked an adult male puma in their bathroom)
I told my 14yo there’s a muppet who is dealing with drug addiction and he said “they all are. Look at their eyes”
You want real 2020 energy? I went to the woods to avoid COVID and now helicopters are flying over my cabin because a killer is on the loose
Quit blaming your iPhone. You meant to say “furbenglurbrn.”
Oh wow, I didn’t recognize you with a nose.
Me, meeting anyone from instagram.
Chess with Australians must get so confusing.
“Naw mate, that’s just a check.”
“That’s what I said. Check, mate”
U.S. DEPT OF FORESTRY: Sir, we believe you’re hunting illegally
GUY IN ALL CAMO W/ ORANGE HAT: *takes off hat*
USDOF: Dammit we lost him
“Is the Book Report any good?”
“How’s it prepared?”
A 9yo stayed up till 3am to finish it.
“Ooh, I’ll have that.”