Leia: I love you.
Han: I know.
[gets frozen in carbonite]
[two years pass]
Leia: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN “I KNOW?!”
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[travels back in time]
[accidentally kills Baby Charlie Chaplin]
Fact: you spend an average of 1.3 hrs of your life in the pantry looking for the damn paprika
Free joke for rats: Pick up a cashew and pretend to use it as a phone.
whats the definition of a will? (lol come on guys its a dead giveaway)
[approaching a person with a service dog who’s wearing a “Working: Do Not Pet” vest]
Me who is different and likely not target audience of sign: Hi, can I pet your dog?
You burn more calories chasing after your cat than you get from eating it. It’s the celery of pets.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
Neighbor asked me over for coffee and said ‘make yourself comfortable’, so I did, I went home.
*as the previews begin, I pull an entire ice cream cake out of my refrigerated cooler-purse*