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@jngraphs: 14 called me an idiot today
No, I don't have a 14-year-old child
I mean 14 people
@markleggett: I don't like it when a pretty girl with glasses takes them off, and her eyes were actually painted onto the inside of the lenses.
@FeelingEuphoric: He lifts up my shirt only to have a full serving of broccoli fall out, steamed to perfection
@BraandoCommando: Me: my biggest strength is listening attentively
Interviewer: ok but I asked what you knew about the company
@amore_orless: Social media's ruined everything. If I saw a dead body on my walk home my first thought would be to take a pic and caption it "Mood"
@dafloydsta: Benefits of dating me:
1. You're the smart one