So cute how this taxi driver is taking an unnecessarily long route and driving slowly so he gets to spend more time with me.
14 year old me would be shocked to learn that knowing every word to Billy Joel’s ‘We didn’t start the fire’ has done nothing for our career.
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Just had a goat’s cheese sandwich. Well, he should have put his name on it.
Taken 3 ~ It All Ends Here
Taken 4 ~ Listen, We’re Just As Surprised As You Are
Taken 5 ~ Whaaaaat!? Yep…
I bought my dog a toy cell phone, now it takes him 45 minutes to shit.
CUT, CUT!! [Music stops]
LOOK IT’S A WESTERN MUSICAL
[Rubs temples] YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE COWBOY HAT ON-
[Cat runs off] Meow!
I heard fish is good for your brain but now I can’t get the smell out of my hair
Wife online? Kids asleep? Time to relax & unwind with a damp cloth and a bottle of multi-surface cleaner. ‘Me time’.
Son: Dad, I’m gay. Do you still love me?
Me: Ask your mother
Me: What? Wait, why I’m not even do-
Well, this certainly took a turn