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if you’re feeling stressed out, just relax, take a deep breath, and exhale fire over all of your enemies. this is more for dragons btw


-I love you!
-Me too!
-You too what?
-What you said
-What did I say?
-Say it
-I want u to say it
-Say it


MARY JANE: daddy, what’s my name from?

ME: it’s from the comic Spider-Man

420BLAZEIT: and mine?

ME: umm [sweating] also Spider-Man


Studies show that people who start a sentence with “studies show…” have no clue what they’re talking about


Don’t tell me I can hear the ocean if I put a shell up to my ear. If he has something to say to me SAY IT TO MY FACE U PIECE OF SHIT WATER


If you call pooping ‘taking a dumpling’ it’s too cute for people to care where you did it