Pet Cemetery 3:
People get tired of resurrecting pets and relatives.
Somebody buries dinosaur bones.
Jurassic Park ensues.
SAILOR: That’s an island, Chris.
SAILOR: That’s a dolphin, Chris.
SAILOR: *Sigh* You know what? Fine. Sure Chris. You did it. That’s India.
You Might Also Like
omg we watched the muppet movie for the first time tonight and my 8yo says “oh, kermit! I like him because he’s from all those memes” as if kermit just appeared one day drinking tea saying but that’s none of my business
God: you have eight legs.
Spider: do I-do I need eight legs?
God: tbh no one really needs eight of anything.
God: also you have eight eyes.
Apparently, if you Google “boss” and “chloroform” from your work computer, it sets off an alarm somewhere.
grocery store clerk: did u find everything ok today
me, who couldn’t find the tortillas after 30 minutes of searching: yes
To their credit, selfie sticks may be the only proof future archaeologists have to dispute the notion cameras grew directly out of our arms
Your honor, I second that motion
Judge: Ma’am, I’m simply reading your husband’s request to be cremated
Date: omg it’s so dark do you have a flashlight
Me: I don’t need one cause I have all the light I need right here-
Me: oh my feet *i stomp and my light up sketchers start flashing*
If you lead a horse to pretzels and then to water, he will definitely drink.
uber needs to start showing pictures of drivers’ cars rather than their model name… does it look like i know what a nissan sentra expecto patronum excel spreadsheet 2008 is