Brands during Pride
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Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it’s not doing its job
My 2yr old tells people that grandma goes to a booty shop. My mom asks that I help her say beauty correctly, but this way is much more fun.
[guy glaring at me because he wants my parking spot]
*adds 72,000 hours to the meter*
Relationship Status: Just asked the bag of Doritos laying in bed next to me if they had enough room
Fifty shades of grey is my favourite movie about English weather.
*deletes my ex’s phone number*
k, weigh me now.
Yes, auto-correct, I wanted to wish my friend a happy 4th of Judy.
CPR dummy: I have a boyfriend.