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@twylaredsun

Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it’s not doing its job

@_SingleBabyMama

My 2yr old tells people that grandma goes to a booty shop. My mom asks that I help her say beauty correctly, but this way is much more fun.

@sixfootcandy

[guy glaring at me because he wants my parking spot]

*adds 72,000 hours to the meter*

@Wine_honey1

Relationship Status: Just asked the bag of Doritos laying in bed next to me if they had enough room

@Girl15Gone

Fifty shades of grey is my favourite movie about English weather.

@MacDickson18

Yes, auto-correct, I wanted to wish my friend a happy 4th of Judy.