Barista: “Welcome to Starbucks!”
Me: “Large coffee please.”
B: “It’s venti!”
Me: “Then close all the windows after you get my large coffee.”
1st base: sex
2nd base: not wearing makeup
3rd base: calling each other
home run: discussing your mental health issues and past traumas
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ME: I’m being haunted by my Grandma.
GRANDMA: For the last time, I’m not dead! You drove me here.
ME: DID YOU HEAR THAT?
PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR: *frightened* I think I can even see her!!!
From now on, when you see the word “minimum”, good luck trying to not imagine a tiny British mother.
It’s so adorable when girls are scared to eat in front of a guy. I’ll eat both your plates. Probably even the guy.
HER: i like a guy who will hold a door for a lady
ME [trying to impress her]: *cuddles my jim morrison body pillow*
the h in university stands for happiness
Me: *nude in class* This is all just a dream
Professor: That’s him, officers
“Neighbor”- person next door
“Neigh! Brrrr!!” – cold horse 🙁