A horse covered in floaties gallops happily toward a swimmin pool.
He sees a sign “NO HORSEPLAY”
He lowers his head
& sadly trots away
1st child: you encourage creativity
2nd child: you encourage independent play
3rd child: you stifle all imagination to avoid a mess.
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Cats REALLY hate dryers.
However, Patches has Never looked this fluffy
Friend: *texting* come out tonight
Me: *three days later* who’s gonna be there
My date got really excited when I said I wanted to cook for him.
Apparently Meth wasn’t what he expected.
Dating is bull shit
to the scum photoshopping bandanas on my wedding photos, STOP. my wife has a bad memory & is in tears, she thinks she married a bandana guy
Advertised as a “Cougar Cruise”
Reality – Weight loss cruise where live cougars are released & you spend your vacation fleeing large cats
why don’t snakes just roll downhill sideways?
Brain cell 1: say have a nice day
Brain cell 2: nah say have a good one
Mouth: Haven gice done
Will no one rid me of this turbulent poodle?
Any question is a hard hitting question when it’s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.