@Megatronic13

[1st person to try jogging]

Peasant: what chasest thou, m’lady?

Jogger: Nothing. I doth run for mine own pleasure.

Peasant: *suddenly holding a torch and pitch fork* WITCH!!!

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@fro_vo

ME: hey look it’s a *forgets the word snail* worm turtle

@ericacanrant

A scared look and a “let me go google that” is not what you want to hear from the gynecologist.

@bigmacher

A wireless bra? They weren’t tricky enough, now I need a password?

@Shingaboop

Look UPS guy, you can’t just show up at someone’s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.

@AskinWayne

I’m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell

@DaddyJew

*stands outside of karate dojo practicing karate for free through the window*

@5hael

My phone autocorrected my name to shark and now I hate my parents for not calling me shark

@CrackYouWhip

Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2017, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope.

@NewDadNotes

Bully: [crying, arms shaking in exhaustion, knocks kid down a 32nd time]

10 y/o Chumbawamba: [gets up again]