ME: hey look it’s a *forgets the word snail* worm turtle
[1st person to try jogging]
Peasant: what chasest thou, m’lady?
Jogger: Nothing. I doth run for mine own pleasure.
Peasant: *suddenly holding a torch and pitch fork* WITCH!!!
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A scared look and a “let me go google that” is not what you want to hear from the gynecologist.
A wireless bra? They weren’t tricky enough, now I need a password?
*Brings Oreos to a Christmas cookie exchange*
Look UPS guy, you can’t just show up at someone’s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
I’m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell
*stands outside of karate dojo practicing karate for free through the window*
My phone autocorrected my name to shark and now I hate my parents for not calling me shark
Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2017, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope.
Bully: [crying, arms shaking in exhaustion, knocks kid down a 32nd time]
10 y/o Chumbawamba: [gets up again]