*2 days before payday*
Teller: I’m telling you that this is unnecessary
Me: *places defibrillator onto check* I SAID “CLEAR”!

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Nobody is normal on twitter Nigeria 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


Me: Aww, a bear!

Bear: You’re being audited by the IRS.

Me: Oh no, a bad news bear.


i have never felt this meme more than after listening to Threedom… good job brahs.


“Dark Side Tech Support.”

“Hi. My hand lightning won’t work. The hate’s flowing thru me, but nada.”

“Try turning the hate off & on again.”


When people don’t say thank you for my holding a door open for them, it’s not a big deal. I simply run ahead to the next door they’re about to go through and tightly hold it shut.




5 year old: “That’s a big truck!”

“It’s a moving truck.”


Why am I the one that feels like an idiot?


Don’t tell your friend you like her sweater unless you mean it; she might knit you one.