I bet Ryan Gosling doesn’t even blow his candles out. He probably just winks at them and they faint.
20: pulls an all nighter with the boys
40: pulls a hamstring adjusting the boys
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God [creating centipedes]: *falls asleep with elbow on the legs button*
When I’m bored I go around putting
these stickers on paper towel
Keep your friend’s clothes in your enemy’s toaster.
BATMAN: Who the hell are you?
MANBAT: Who the hell are YOU?
BATMAN: I’m Batman. A man who dresses like a bat.
MANBAT: I’m Manbat. A bat who dresses like a man.
BATBAT: Who the hell are you two?
When I was a kid I liked my Jack in the Box…But now I prefer my Jack in the Bottle.
My sister has positioned herself as the lazy sibling and honestly I stan, no one expects anything from her. Is it too late for me to rebrand?
When my kids come to me with problems I just tell them to watch Full House until they find an episode dealing with their issue.
Group of 12 year old girls: We’re scared of boys. Me: OMG, me tooooooo!