My note that my mom found…
She hung it on the fridge for at least six months after I wrote it at 8-9yrs old.
2007: OBAMA’S COMIN’ FER YER GUNS
2010: any day
2012: ok now
2013: i think..
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Jesus fed 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish.
I can’t even satisfy myself with a family sized lasagne
My favorite part in Pretty Woman is her joy when he agrees to pay $3,000 for 6 days, effectively lowering her rate from $100/hr to $21/hr
[emerges from time machine back in present day]
I did it. I got Hitler rejected from art school, saving German art from years of mediocrity
ME: When Princess Leia kissed Luke, did you know they were brother and sister?
GEORGE LUCAS: *laying in bed* How did you even get in here?
My boyfriend just sent me a txt: ‘I think I want to see other people.’ My reply was, ‘You better look out the window.’
Me: OMG I’m so tired.
Ambien: Your wife would look AMAZING covered in mustard and chocolate chips.
Me: I’m on it.
A: And Cheetos.
I wonder if Spiderman and Batman ever fight over who gets to eat the best bugs.
6th grade nurse: do you play baseball
Me: uhh why
Nurse: your right arm is so much stronger than-
Me: oh yeah! Yeah I play baseball so much