@mllebeckyrose
@dmc1138
If they served grilled cheese sandwiches at communion, I’d go to church more often.
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@dmc1138
@TheTobbie
RIP is the LOL of dying…
@BlindChow
*uses Oujia board*
?????? ???? ?????
me: what’s updog?
??? ????, ???, ???? ????? ?? ??????? ???? ???
me: what
cat: what
@AnniemuMary
Lunch dates with spouses perplex me. I’ll just see you later at home for free.
@adamgreattweet
Health officials: Don’t touch your face
Me, seconds later:
@ThisOneSayz
The person who named the eggplant must have been:
a) Colorblind, and
b) Totally high
@YourMomsucksTho
My husband is taking me to a scenic bridge today so i guess this is goodbye
@Pork_Chop_Hair
“I want us to exercise together and eat more salads”, I said, turning to the spouse-shaped cartoon hole in the wall.
@YuckyTom
when u have guests over for dinner it’s an absolute power move to just make up appliances. yell from the kitchen, “honey where’s the garlic thumper” and ur husband or wife can yell back “it should be right next to the wine gun” and ur friend will be like “wtf i want a wine gun”
@SwedishCanary
At this point my only chance at getting thinner is going to a paint store.