2020 is like your cat offering to “help” with your jigsaw puzzle.

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In England, all swans legally belong to the queen.

Geez, I always pictured her as a cat lady.


what if everything’s a hellscape because Adele got happy and needed material


*Arrives to save damsel in distress*

Me: “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your–”

Rapunzel: “I have a boyfriend.”

Dragon flying by: “BURN!!”


“holy crap….um guys?!” – the first caterpillar to wake up out of a cocoon


My mother-in-law talked non-stop while we watched Criminal Minds and now I have an idea for a cool new episode.


I wanted to start writing a sewing blog

But I lost my thread


[about to have sex]

her: I can tell this is your first time

me: *opening box of bees* did you bring any birds


[my first exorcism]

Possesed girl: *contorting body like a spider owl hybrid *

Me: weird flex but okay let’s get started


I’m not rich in money, but I’m rich in friends and family.
You know, the bad kind of rich.


Report: Scientist walks in on climate changing, awkwardness ensues