@SkippyMcGizzard
@AlanFelyk
In England, all swans legally belong to the queen.
Geez, I always pictured her as a cat lady.
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@AlanFelyk
@goldengateblond
what if everything’s a hellscape because Adele got happy and needed material
@PopSlapFunk
*Arrives to save damsel in distress*
Me: “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your–”
Rapunzel: “I have a boyfriend.”
Dragon flying by: “BURN!!”
@SortaBad
“holy crap….um guys?!” – the first caterpillar to wake up out of a cocoon
@Brianhopecomedy
My mother-in-law talked non-stop while we watched Criminal Minds and now I have an idea for a cool new episode.
@shay_bayla
I wanted to start writing a sewing blog
But I lost my thread
@TheHatStore
[about to have sex]
her: I can tell this is your first time
me: *opening box of bees* did you bring any birds
@nyquills
[my first exorcism]
Possesed girl: *contorting body like a spider owl hybrid *
Me: weird flex but okay let’s get started
@AndrewNadeau0
I’m not rich in money, but I’m rich in friends and family.
You know, the bad kind of rich.
@TheFakeCNN
Report: Scientist walks in on climate changing, awkwardness ensues