@Aikiwomannc

2020: Soooo, you’re feeling pretty good today, huh? Enjoying some down time?

Me: Yeeeaaahhh….why?

2020: How’s your back?

Me: Damn it!

2020: *teehee*

You Might Also Like

@crystaltitties

My toddler just said “Knock knock, who’s there” then slapped me in the face and said “it’s me”
Ok then.

@TheDreamGhoul

“you’re breaking up with me, here? and now?!”
“it’s just not working out”
*both continue pedaling tandem bicycle in silence*

@joeldanger

If you know shes had a bad day just ask her how she is doing. Then when shes talking you can think of a good tweet that makes fun of her day

@dimplesticks

My dinosaur expert child just schooled me

Me: What’s the difference between the diplodocus and the brachiosaurus?

5yo: They have different names

@Cryptic1iam

This is an ugly term. This “Stalker”. I prefer unpaid investigator.

@TheCatWhisprer

Just got my Facebook account suspended for reading a full article before I shared it.

@Sayhikristy

Me: Is that seat taken?
You: You are pointing at my face…
Me: I know.

@TheDreamGhoul

saying monkeys r ur favorite animal is basically saying u like a shorter, hairier version of urself who can only communicate by screaming

@truegritrumble

ME: I’m so nervous. It’s my first day on the job. I definitely fibbed on my qualifications to get this job. Hope I can figure it out before I mess up.

CO-PILOT: …What?

@cravin4

I dreamt I was getting attacked by a bike repeatedly.

It was a vicious cycle.