@TrashCave

2032:: Scientists force bees and birds to mate, just for kicks.

2033: The Bumblehawks reign supreme.

You Might Also Like

@T_Bonezzz

Been dating this new chick and some days i like her and some days i don’t.

so i made her a mixed signal tape

@climaxximus

[fishing]

me: why won’t these goldfish take my bait?

friend: they’re koi.

me: aww don’t be shy little fishies.

@notenoughwine

Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good, and we will slowly kill you

@ilovepie84

I bet when David Hasselhoff gets too drunk he roams the streets screaming “KITT!” When he can’t find his car.

@GrantTanaka

My wife is gone for the next 3 days, so if any ladies out there want to come over & yell at me to take out the garbage & not have sex, hmu

@mom_ontherocks

Lord, give me the confidence and attitude of my toddler at dance class. Amen

@Nikkeya08

Unfortunately Katy Perry, I couldn’t fit in the skin tight jeans so instead of a teenage dream my husband gets Blair Witch.

@AudreyPorne

“jogging gives me endorphins”

so does shoplifting. jogging does not give you free mascara.

@bjfrancypants

“ALL I WANNA DO IS HAVE SEX WITH MINERS!” is the exact wrong way to proclaim your sexual proclivity toward those who excavate coal.