@rocknthepurple

2yo’s favorite cartoon is teaching him about centrifugal force.

When I was little, my favorite cartoon taught me never to order from Acme.

You Might Also Like

@LlamaInaTux

Me: release the kraken!

Friend: what’s a kraken?

Me: Not much what’s a kraken with you? lol. no but seriously a lot of people are going to die.

@weinerdog4life

Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time.

@SnizzleFrizzle

What an adorable idea. My coworkers have been writing names on food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yogurt called Debbie.

@jergarl

One time a giant spider crawled up my sleeve.

Ironically, that’s also the day I learned karate on a ladder.

@TheHyyyype

me: dave and i go way back. we served together for 8 years

her: oh wow. army? navy?

me: olive garden

@flashember

When you’re dragging a boat full of sailors to its watery doom then suddenly remember you left the oven on

@Maxine12333

Always keep your head up and stand proud! That way your double chin won’t show in your pictures.

@Cyd10e

Old men’s pants creep higher & higher up their waist into their armpits.
At the end of their lives they’re just a pair of pants with a head.

@musicntats

10: Mom, I know your secret; you’re a superhero
Me: I am?
10: Yes, I found your handcuffs and a mask.
Me:
Me: Yes, I am. I’m a superhero!😏