[3 days after technology lets us wear snapchat filters all the time] me: why didn't your eyes turn into hearts when I got home today

@Ellierocks2013: are u in love with me? no?? *slides u a chocolate pudding* how about now?

@yourbizsucks: I was best man at my friend's 2nd wedding. I started my speech with "welcome back everyone" he was not happy #weddingfail

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@Darlainky: After taking this customer satisfaction survey, please take a brief survey to let us know how your experience taking our survey was.

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@UnFitz: In space, no one can hear you scream. In cyberspace, no one can shut you up.

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@AndrewNadeau0: If you read the entire dictionary technically you've read every book but out of order.

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