Who’s the man who, with
just the slightest touch-
gives you chills and makes
you tremble with anticipation ?
[3 days after technology lets us wear snapchat filters all the time]
me: why didn’t your eyes turn into hearts when I got home today
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I KEPT MY CAPS LOCK ON WHEN I SEARCHED RECIPES FOR DINNER TONIGHT AND NOW GORDON RAMSEY IS IN MY KITCHEN
My worst fear is seeing one of my tweets marked as “exhibit A”
Toilet paper folded into a triangle in a hotel does nothing for me except remind me that someone touched the tp I need to use.
“Our guests often come for a week but stay for months.”
– The cruise industry, putting a positive spin on Covid-19.
god: awful nice planet you got there
god: it’d be a shame if someone…
earth: please don’t
god: created humanity
cause of death:
Hello? I’d like to rent one bouncey house, please. How many will be using it? Just one. Her age? Uh. Four……..ty-seven.
This angry backpack
Your name is Jeff with a G? Jeffg? Ok