@ericaj1721

3 hours until I get to pretend I know how to do 6th grade math homework…..

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@sixfootcandy

Me: I’m so happy that gyms have reopened. I’ll do whatever it takes to get in back in shape

Trainer: That’s great! Let’s start with…

Me: Snacks?

@Xoolun

I exercise religiously.

Which means I go running dressed as the Pope.

@TheHatStore

If coronavirus isn’t about beer then why do they keep talking about cases of it

@Whatevah_Amy

The best thing about snow is that now my lawn looks as good as the neighbor’s.

@aaronfredericks

me: *gritting my teeth* they will pay for this. you’ll see. they will ALL pay for this

waitress: okaaay… so separate checks then?

@

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@Mikecanrant

The baby in the car next to me is either unable to control his arms or hes throwing me gang signs. Im not taking any chances.

*locks doors*

@sock_holliday

YouTuber: if you like this video smash that subscribe button

Hulk: way ahead of you bud

@whereami18

My 12 wakes up, showers, changes into another pair of PJ’s and starts playing PS4. He has no idea how jealous I am.

@MadisonCarly26

Why is “you’re a peach” a compliment but “you’re bananas” is an insult? Why do we allow such fruit discrimination?