@jollyrobber

3: I’m going to say hi to that boy on the bike
Boy rides by & she waves shyly after he passes
3: He didn’t hear me
Me: Flirting’s hard

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@Daveastated

How much rent do I pay once it’s divided equally? That is the per tenant question.

@notalogin

[Grandma’s funeral]

(Turning to friend) She knitted that whole coffin

@Kvy_kv

Pro tip: if you show up nude to the Zoom meeting, you don’t have to do anymore zoom meetings.

@MandiAtRandom

Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress.

@electrolemon

scarlet joe hanson sounds like an old timey boxer’s name. “weighin’ in at 182 lbs, 5’9″, the ol’ black widow, scarlet jooooooe hansen!”

@Iam_heids

My 8 year old daughter hasn’t stopped talking in 32 years