
I may seem confident on the outside but deep down on the inside I remember every time I’ve accidentally leaned on a light switch.
3 men asked me out while I was shoveling out my car.
Lesson learned: showering and makeup are optional as long you’re grunting.
I may seem confident on the outside but deep down on the inside I remember every time I’ve accidentally leaned on a light switch.
i’m not getting my boyfriend a PS5 because then i’d have to get ALL my boyfriends a PS5 and that’s just not financially feasible for me rn
Normal Person (being inconvenienced): I deserve better than this
Me (being stabbed w/swords): I’m so sorry for getting blood on your swords
Officer: do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: There is a sale on Cinnamon Bun Oreos
Officer: Get in my car it’s faster
Omds not this shit again wtf
GF: So we just wanted to say we’re engaged!
HER DAD [looks at me] you should have asked me first
ME: You’re not really my type though
“Excuse me, waiter? Can I get a doggy bag”
“Sorry ma’am, we only have Doge bags.”
Much leftovers
So pasta
Very taking home
Wow reheat at 350
Every jogger is running towards cake or away from kale.
20% of traffic accidents involve deer.Who allowed deer to drive in the first place?