3-year-old: *sits at the table forever without touching anything*

Me: *eats one cold chicken nugget*


You Might Also Like


A married couple with no kids just asked my wife and I to go out for drinks at 9:30 tonight.

They did it with a straight face too.


Me: Pull my finger.
Doctor: Ok.
[finger detaches]
Doctor: AAAAHHHHH!!!
ME: haha j/k that’s actually why I came in.


If pigs could fly it would make this pig catapult that I just built completely obsolete.


If you carry a baseball bat in your car, you should carry a glove too. Your lawyer will thank you.


If every person in the world held hands around the equator a significant portion of them would drown.


Florida mom delivers 14-pound baby after surprise pregnancy .

Florida?? NO PART of this story surprises me.


Welcome to Pushovers Anonymous. Cool if we start with a reading?
“fine by me!”
“you bet!”
“sounds good!”
Sir, please leave.