A married couple with no kids just asked my wife and I to go out for drinks at 9:30 tonight.
They did it with a straight face too.
3-year-old: *sits at the table forever without touching anything*
Me: *eats one cold chicken nugget*
3: THAT WAS MINE!
You Might Also Like
Me: Pull my finger.
ME: haha j/k that’s actually why I came in.
If pigs could fly it would make this pig catapult that I just built completely obsolete.
No, free hugs was yesterday, today we’re doing free headbutts
he’s so proud of his haul.
Brands during Pride
If you carry a baseball bat in your car, you should carry a glove too. Your lawyer will thank you.
If every person in the world held hands around the equator a significant portion of them would drown.
Florida mom delivers 14-pound baby after surprise pregnancy .
Florida?? NO PART of this story surprises me.
Welcome to Pushovers Anonymous. Cool if we start with a reading?
“fine by me!”
Sir, please leave.