@KPsych29: My eyes physically can't roll any higher up into my skull to show you how annoying you are.

@liv_thatsme: I'd tell my neighbor about the weird smell coming from her apartment, but she's been so quiet that I don't want to disturb her.

@TeaAndCopy: Me: Excuse me, where's the rowing boat equipment? Employee: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. Me: … Employee: … Me: Or you'll what?

@KentWGraham: Writers who become addicted to pseudonyms have to join Anonymous Anonymous.

@AlexRogaski: Michael Cera forgets to do laundry and has to wear a doctor costume to the hospital. He's too shy to refuse people and performs 3 surgeries.