@lisaxy424: 30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn't calling the number I dialed.
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@T_N_Crumpets: WIFE: COME AND GET RID OF THIS SPIDER ME to spider: I told you, you'll get your money. Leave my family out of this SPIDER: you've got 2days
@scarebro: Maybe your parents told you a watched pot never boils so you wouldn't go around sticking your face near boiling water, idiot.
@treydayway: "Stressed" backwards is "desserts" so chill and have that cupcake.
@TitaniumToplass: DiCaprio movie endings; Shutter Island: is he dead? Titanic: is the boat dead? Romeo & Juliet: is everyone dead? Inception: am I dead?
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