@jesus

33, Male, Jerusalem. You?

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@Vodkantots

I had no internet or cable last night and I was left with my thoughts.

I guess that’s why the pioneers usually died so young.

@Elizasoul80

I walk around in public saying “wait for me guys” so everyone thinks I have friends.

@UncleDuke1969

My father still likes to tell the story about the argument he won with my mother in 1971.

@realbjdunne

her: i like a guy who takes his time

me (seductively): i wore diapers until 5th grade

@SkipsAhoi

I’ve had to walk past this monstrosity every day for the last few weeks and it’s really taking a toll.

@PlainTravis

I’m quitting my job to pursue my dream of quitting my job.

@LOsepyan

If you play a NIickelback song backwards you’ll hear messages from the illuminant.Even worse, if you play it forward you’ll hear NIickelback

@noog

Welcome to Starbucks how may I help you?
“Regular coffee with cream please”
That’s $40, 5ml of unicorn tears, and 10 dragon scales.
“TEN?”