TOM HARDY: ‘I am a necessary evil!’
TOM SOFTY: ‘I can’t have anything too spicy before bed.’
[3am – a knock on the door]
me: jfc do u know what time it is?
salesman: *pulls out a box* cheesecake time
me: *considers intensely* come in
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I like ordering delivery pizza from two different locations as a race. I prize myself as the winner with two pizzas.
the worst part of the robot uprising will be the constant software updates
ME: So do I just lie on the couch over here?
PSYCHIATRIST: Actually this works much better if you tell the truth.
All I’m saying is when I’m drunk in the backyard I still put my shirt on just like everyone else, one leg at a time…
WHAT ARE WE?
WHAT ARE WE WRITING?
Snacks first, THEN writing!
No, wait, coffee/tea too!
Maybe a nap beforehand!
No, then Twitter
Too late! Time for bed! Writing tomorrow
I’m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I’m your man.
Every time I see the headline ‘tragedy on film set’ I think oh god m knight shymalan is making another goddamn movie
Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Me: With adjectives.