The thing about liking Kanye is that no matter how into him you are, you’re AT BEST his #2 fan.
brain: omg you’re late for work!
me: oh shit *jumps out of bed*
brain: lmao you’re so gullible
You Might Also Like
Immediately after walking into a store with your spouse, stop, block the entrance, and discuss why you both came. It’s all good. I’ll wait.
[Friend] Kyle, u have to stop referring to your Ballet Club as a “gang”
[Me & my gang all do 2 pirouettes and stop in unison] “Not a chance”
Me: *drops toddler off at gym daycare*
DC: Which room will you be working out in?
Me: None of them, I just need to take a shower.
Friend said I was becoming antisocial. Ridiculous. You build one little moat and people jump to hasty conclusions.
Sure I’ll send you a shirtless selfie. Just let me work out for 6 months real quick.
As a gift to my girlfriend, Tola, I tattooed her name on myself in the mirror and I think that says alot
Her: Stop being absurd. Just be yourself.
Me: Make up your mind.
Sharks don’t kill people. Tornados with sharks kill people.
Me: Why are you digging in your ear?
3: Daddy pulled out coins yesterday and I’m looking for more for my piggy bank!
Me: Well in this economy it can’t hurt to try