Comparing yourself to others
4: *hops in my lap* Mama, look at my picture!
Me: Love it
4: See green
4: And blue
4: And red
M: *flushes toilet* ok, hop up.
You Might Also Like
I get it, you have a philosophy degree, but I just want you to make my latte, not wax poetic about life, okay Baristotle? Extra foam please.
Facebook: Please give us access to all of your personal information
Me: Okaaaay, but only if you tell me which Golden Girl I am.
“Lloyd, could you keep your eyes on the road, please?” Oh. Yea. Good thinkin’. Can’t be too careful. A lot of bad drivers out there.
I trust Chick-fil-A so much that I don’t even check my bag and if they get my order wrong I just assume they know what’s best for me.
ME: Okay, what exactly do you think bulls look like?
GUY WHO CAME UP WITH THE CONSTELLATIONS: 1 straight line and 2 bendy ones. That’s bulls.
Like every good global citizen I’ve reduced my power consumption by 50% by running all my power off the neighbours while they’re on vacation
GUY: Welcome to Assumption Club. The first rule is
ME: Yeah I think we got it thanks pal
GUY: [under breath] Holy shit this guy’s good
BISON DAD: good bye, son.
BISON SON: thank you, dad.
All is calm,