@mom_ontherocks

4: Is the Easter Bunny still coming to our house?

10: Oh I saw on the news he got Coronavirus and Easter is cancelled

Me: (forgot to get Easter eggs) Yup, it’s true

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@Pro_Jones_

(Art Museum)

Me:*sees nature painting*

*pulls out sharpie*

*draws sun in the top left corner*

My 5th Grade Art Teacher: *thumbs up* nice

@DadandBuried

They say kids grow up fast but I just licked my thumb & wiped my son’s face so parents grow up fast too. I’ve already become my grandmother.

@mrjohndarby

[at the dentist]
him: come and lie on the chair
me: ok
him: not face down

@TheHyyyype

Technology is moving so fast. My toaster just sprinted across the kitchen.

@YUCKYBOT

Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.

@solsayswhaaa

Don’t you just hate it when you have a day off to relax by the pool and enjoy a well-stocked pantry but then your neighbour comes home early and threatens to call the cops?

@amandajpanda

If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes, take my fitbit with you.

@Megatronic13

Me: OMG I love this song

Radio: should I play it again

Me: okay

Radio: fifteen times

Me: wait

Radio: every hour

Me: no

Radio: for the next six months