Me:*sees nature painting*
*pulls out sharpie*
*draws sun in the top left corner*
My 5th Grade Art Teacher: *thumbs up* nice
4: Is the Easter Bunny still coming to our house?
10: Oh I saw on the news he got Coronavirus and Easter is cancelled
Me: (forgot to get Easter eggs) Yup, it’s true
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They say kids grow up fast but I just licked my thumb & wiped my son’s face so parents grow up fast too. I’ve already become my grandmother.
[at the dentist]
him: come and lie on the chair
him: not face down
Technology is moving so fast. My toaster just sprinted across the kitchen.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
Don’t you just hate it when you have a day off to relax by the pool and enjoy a well-stocked pantry but then your neighbour comes home early and threatens to call the cops?
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes, take my fitbit with you.
You say “frienemy” I say “opposable chums”
I guess cinco de mustard didn’t have the same ring to it
Me: OMG I love this song
Radio: should I play it again
Radio: fifteen times
Radio: every hour
Radio: for the next six months