@JannaKillHimNik
@FatherWithTwins
The great thing about getting old is that 50 degrees gets colder every year
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@FatherWithTwins
@crocodilethumbs
Captain: relax, it’s just a title
Second Mate: WHAT DOES HE MEAN TO YOU
@ltsSoFunny
I’m your father ……
Noooo !!
@MOONEM0Jl
aliens probably ride pass earth and lock their doors
@MenMusings
The 1st cup was used in 1874, the 1st helmet was used in 1974. It only took 100 years to learn our brain is also important.
@Knob_ish
Scroll
Scroll
Scroll your phone,
gently down the screen.
Merilly
Merrily
Merrily
Merrily
MY GOD THAT’S OBSCENE!!!!!!!!!
@KylePlantEmoji
[restaurant]
Me: I’m gonna run into their kitchen and grab some extra cheese
Her: … you definitely don’t have permission
Me: It’s actually pronounced parmesan
@kirkobainz
If white people know how to say Daenerys Targaryen, they can learn to pronounce your name correctly.
@Browtweaten
Elmo: Elmo says this just him coping
Oscar: I don’t care, it’s morbid and- oh hey Bert
Bert: Ahem *nods to jar under arm*
Oscar: Hey Urn-ie
@lotusflowerom
Neighbor is running through her back yard screaming “I can’t take this anymore”. Husband is just watching silently sipping his coffee.