The great thing about getting old is that 50 degrees gets colder every year
4: mama i love you
Me: awee I…
4: even though you look ugly
Me: …spoke too soon
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Captain: relax, it’s just a title
Second Mate: WHAT DOES HE MEAN TO YOU
I’m your father ……
aliens probably ride pass earth and lock their doors
The 1st cup was used in 1874, the 1st helmet was used in 1974. It only took 100 years to learn our brain is also important.
Scroll your phone,
gently down the screen.
MY GOD THAT’S OBSCENE!!!!!!!!!
Me: I’m gonna run into their kitchen and grab some extra cheese
Her: … you definitely don’t have permission
Me: It’s actually pronounced parmesan
If white people know how to say Daenerys Targaryen, they can learn to pronounce your name correctly.
Elmo: Elmo says this just him coping
Oscar: I don’t care, it’s morbid and- oh hey Bert
Bert: Ahem *nods to jar under arm*
Oscar: Hey Urn-ie
Neighbor is running through her back yard screaming “I can’t take this anymore”. Husband is just watching silently sipping his coffee.