@BuckyIsotope: 4 out of 5 dentists recommend Trident sugarless gum. The 5th dentist is busy butchering protected wildlife.
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@MoistPork: Men: Don't lie to your woman, she'll catch you. Don't tell her the truth, she'll be pissed. Just pray for a brick to fall on your head.
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I'm exhausted. Please just go to sleep. Brain: K Me: Brain: Me: Brain: Me: *almost asleep, drooling a little* Brain: HOW WOULD YOU EVEN DANCE IF YOUR FEET ARE LOOSE
@Goofpoops: Someone on Facebook posted "Having the BEST DAY EVER!!" So I posted the Sarah Mclachlan animal cruelty video in the comments
@briancgrubb: [avengers trailer drops] ME: ok wow everyone needs to relax a bit geez [john wick trailer drops] ME: EVERYONE SHUT UP KEANU AND HIS DOG ARE IN DANGER