How times have changed.
4 year olds really apologize like “I’m sorry I accidentally did that on purpose.”
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[loudly in front of a bunch of ducks] “OH NO I SEEM TO HAVE BROUGHT TOO MUCH BREAD WITH ME WHATEVER SHALL I DO?” *ducks try to play it cool*
No one loses an argument when they’re carrying a chain saw.
Excited for Downton Abbey tonight. According to DVR description, “Lord Grantham gets pissy when a lady challenges the class system.” Oh boy!
Genie: “you get three wishes”
Me: “I wish I wasn’t so alone”
Genie: “k wow I’m like right here”
Remember in 90’s movies when the hot girl would enter a party in slow motion? That’s what happens when I walk in a buffet.
Neo: I’m going to solve the Matrix
Agent Smith: Glitch, you thought.
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? It’s because you are feeding them bread Karen.
What’s the issue officer?
Officer: You have no idea why I pulled you over?
I have some ideas, but would like to hear your opinion first.
“… how to…”
“… out this…”
“… ving door?”