Me: somebody stole my stapler
HR: you’re working from home
40 years later:
– Grandpa, sing me a song of your youth.
– Oppa Gangnam Style. Opp, opp, opp, opp!
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I left my kids with a list of things for them to do today because apparently I like to be optimistic & disappointed at the same time.
*looks back seductively*
[walks into doorframe]
*tries to quietly check the football score during a home invasion
I’m on hold. My call is important to them.
Do you ever wake up.
Kiss the person beside you, and just be thankful to be alive.
Not really appreciated on flights apparently
Cave rescue is going to make an incredible movie, can’t wait to see Scarlett Johansson inspire in her role as 12 Thai boys.
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Ants can lift 20 times their bodyweight which is really helpful if you ever need help moving a single blade of grass.