Fine I’ll bite, what’s this sex thing everyone keeps talking about?
5: are there people coming tomorrow?
me: no why?
5: well you guys cleaned the house
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Me: Are those fries seasoned?
Waiter: They’ve seen a few things.
Unless you’re a direct descendent of a horse, don’t chew with your mouth open.
I consider myself Christlike in that I refuse to believe my parents ever had sex with each other.
I want to open a restaurant for divorcees but I can’t think of what to name it other than fed ex
If it burns when you pee, you need to be eating less firewood.
I don’t sit crossed legged to be classy, I’m holding my tampon in
Ten things only 90s people remember:
10. That sound the modems made
Pho tastes great for a food that sounds like it just gave up.