5: Daddy, where do fish come from?
Me: Finland
5: Ohhhhhhh

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Hey mate! Your girl looks like a horse…

Are you in a stable relationship?


CASHIER: is there anything else I can help you with?
ME: *pulls out my trigonometry homework from 1995* yes, yes there is


Owner: I want to charge 6.99 for a cookie

Devil: I’ve got an idea


I thought it would be good for the environment if I had less grass to waste water on so I put a pool in.


I just typed “relationship” and it came up “delusional” on my phone. First time I realized my phone really is smart.


I have just completed knitting a tiny sweater for my one true friend, who is a grape.


i’m lonely just not “inventor of the boomerang” lonely