Any time you see a mass suicide case on the news, you can pretty much assume the assembly of an IKEA product was the cause.
5 years ago my dad texted me “i dreamed up the title of a poem last night” and i said “what was the title” and he said “Thoughts Upon Receiving Notice The Frogs Had Cast Off Their Green Skins and Revealed Their True Glorious Selves” and i have thought of that every day since.
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Being goth is hard. The curse on your boss is not working. Ravens are impossible to train. Deodorant marks on your black clothes. Ugh.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them.
Gynecologists in small towns spend a lot of time looking up old friends
My date told me I have nice skin. It’s not like he’s gonna make a mask out of it right? *nervous laugh*
“We’re not so different, you and I,” Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper.
my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they’re back
It’s only Quarantine if it’s in the Quarante province of France. Otherwise it’s just Sparkling Isolation.
Give a man a subtweet and he’ll be like “is this about me?” Teach a man to subtweet you’ll be like “is that about me?”
Government Shutdown: Day Three
Jellystone Park still closed.
Still no pic-a-nic baskets.
Yogi stares at Boo-Boo…
Boo-Boo looks tasty.